Dealing with Unmet Expectations in Marriage PI


If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”  James 1:5

What do you do when you are disappointed and overwhelmed? Because of this passage, what will you do now?

There is perhaps nothing in the human condition that causes situational depression, marriage ills and general unhappiness, than having a dream or goal, or even and idea shatters. And many take this further to a perception of anticipation. Like you suppose she will make you dinner every day, but she works and can’t. He will always be attentive, but he is not. You are frustrated. You assume he will take you to dinner each Friday night, but sometimes he has to work. You are frustrated. He does not listen. She is aloof. And so on, and so on, creating unmet expectations. As irritation builds upon frustrations that build upon suspicions and doubts until they become exasperation and hopelessness.

Marriage becomes not what we assume it would be, and it does not turn out as we liked, so we engage our defensive weapons and the downhill spiral begins.

In the case of our spouse, they are not who we thought or wanted to be, or they just disappointed us too often. In the aftermath, usually, we have no plan A or B; we just let our frustrations build until they explode. We get angry, resentful, then we fight back in the wrong ways and then settle in despair or separation and then there is divorce.

  • When we have unmet expectations, we need to take a careful look and see if those expectations are reasonable. Then, what can we do to realign our thinking and learn to communicate and build; rather than fester in disappointments and teardown.
  • Unmet expectations create doubt and frustration and they will come at us when we are not exercising our faith. We will be consumed with doubt that turns into suspicion and distrust, the opposite of God’s call and plan for us and our marriage.
  • When lose our trust and hope that God is in control, we will lose the miracles that can happen in our marriage!
  • When we allow disappointment to rule our heart and home we will lose or miss out on seeing God come through with His promises!

When we do not communicate to God and not hear one another in pour home, we will miss the opportunity to slow the pride and awaken the hope to give ear to listening and communication!

In business, only the people who know how to be successful, will take their experiences of setbacks and frustrations and learn from them, fix what did not work, turn them around and keep trying. Then they will be successful. Why do we not do this in marriage? Most will not even try to learn. They just stay frustrated. For the Christian, we have the characters of tenacity and diligence to build on, as those who are successful and so much more. We are called to learn, grow and make it work, and given the tools to make it so. We have God’s Word, His Holy Spirit and Fruit and a life outlook that shows us so much more where our hopes and dreams can be laid upon.

We also have the great tools of listening and forgiveness too. If we so dare to use them. And of course, we have the person and work of Christ. And, in our marriage, we can apply those precepts and turn our unhappiness from our unmet expectations into a joyful marital union.

How can you become more confident that God gives us the plan and the victory?



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