Dealing with Unmet Expectations in Marriage PII

Unmet Expectations2

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1:6

What causes you to be unstable? What do you need to do to become more stable and to have an Anchor for the storms of life?

James is addressing Christians who are relying on themselves and not really wholeheartedly seeking after God. Is this what we do in our marriages and family way too much? Christ is here in our marriage, and He implores us to literally beg for wisdom because we are empty in of ourselves. If we do not seek wisdom, but remain in our own thinking, we will be un-tethered like a small boat without an anchor in a storm, tossed and tumbled in the waves of stress and life that comes from the buildup of disappointments. We will be literally unstable mentally, relationally, and spiritually without our Lord’s direction! Then our marriage breaks down to dysfunction and worse…

  • When we think or want just to be please, we are not caring for the other person.
  • To begin to realign our composure, look to God’s Word, which is telling us we are to accept His plan for our life and then ask for wisdom to deal with it. Then we can start the process to be better communicators and care for one another.
  • What we are not to do is to spend our heart and thoughts in disappointments, then we are not seeking what we could have, that is better.
  • When we are just listening to the noise and or what others who are less mature have to say we dig ourselves deeper in a mess. Rather, we are to seek God and His Word to give us the knowledge to grow and to get through.
  • God assures us that when we seek Him, He will respond. When we ask for wisdom, He will give it to us! The key is to ask by faith. And then act upon it.
  • Seek what is going wrong and look at it from His perspective.
  • What can I do, in the Fruit of the Spirit and real love, so a solution can be had?

This is the confidence in God’s power that without doubt, He is there and He will help. For, if we doubt, we will not have confidence, and we will be tossed, by our struggles, to the point that they drown us.

So, to start our realignment, “Ask God,” be willing to beg God passionately, realizing we are helpless and in great need. He is the source of wisdom and the One we are to go to for all aspects of life!

Know that Christ will grant our request as long as it is sincere and in His will.  If not, just as this passage in James one states, we will be “Tossed” and remain in our situation or make it worse. As being unstable, immature, and weak in faith.

Do not be the person or have the marriage that refuses to learn and grow, who keep doing the same things over that are not working expecting different results just to be miserable. We only become un-tossed by the Anchor of who Christ is in us, and pursuing Him. Do not be tossed, be in Christ then we will “Be given!” As, life is about pleasing God, not pleasing one’s self or our spouse! Although, we should be thoughtful and proactive in our romance and relationship. Life, is about abandoning our desires and be focused on Him! His plan is far better than our desires (1 Kings 3:5-9; Prov. 2:6; Luke 11:9; Eph. 4:14-16; James 4:2; 1 John 3:21-24; 5:14-15)!!

What is not right in your life that needs wisdom and attention from God?

Bring Christ into your marriage.



Dealing with Unmet Expectations in Marriage PI


If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”  James 1:5

What do you do when you are disappointed and overwhelmed? Because of this passage, what will you do now?

There is perhaps nothing in the human condition that causes situational depression, marriage ills and general unhappiness, than having a dream or goal, or even and idea shatters. And many take this further to a perception of anticipation. Like you suppose she will make you dinner every day, but she works and can’t. He will always be attentive, but he is not. You are frustrated. You assume he will take you to dinner each Friday night, but sometimes he has to work. You are frustrated. He does not listen. She is aloof. And so on, and so on, creating unmet expectations. As irritation builds upon frustrations that build upon suspicions and doubts until they become exasperation and hopelessness.

Marriage becomes not what we assume it would be, and it does not turn out as we liked, so we engage our defensive weapons and the downhill spiral begins.

In the case of our spouse, they are not who we thought or wanted to be, or they just disappointed us too often. In the aftermath, usually, we have no plan A or B; we just let our frustrations build until they explode. We get angry, resentful, then we fight back in the wrong ways and then settle in despair or separation and then there is divorce.

  • When we have unmet expectations, we need to take a careful look and see if those expectations are reasonable. Then, what can we do to realign our thinking and learn to communicate and build; rather than fester in disappointments and teardown.
  • Unmet expectations create doubt and frustration and they will come at us when we are not exercising our faith. We will be consumed with doubt that turns into suspicion and distrust, the opposite of God’s call and plan for us and our marriage.
  • When lose our trust and hope that God is in control, we will lose the miracles that can happen in our marriage!
  • When we allow disappointment to rule our heart and home we will lose or miss out on seeing God come through with His promises!

When we do not communicate to God and not hear one another in pour home, we will miss the opportunity to slow the pride and awaken the hope to give ear to listening and communication!

In business, only the people who know how to be successful, will take their experiences of setbacks and frustrations and learn from them, fix what did not work, turn them around and keep trying. Then they will be successful. Why do we not do this in marriage? Most will not even try to learn. They just stay frustrated. For the Christian, we have the characters of tenacity and diligence to build on, as those who are successful and so much more. We are called to learn, grow and make it work, and given the tools to make it so. We have God’s Word, His Holy Spirit and Fruit and a life outlook that shows us so much more where our hopes and dreams can be laid upon.

We also have the great tools of listening and forgiveness too. If we so dare to use them. And of course, we have the person and work of Christ. And, in our marriage, we can apply those precepts and turn our unhappiness from our unmet expectations into a joyful marital union.

How can you become more confident that God gives us the plan and the victory?