Marriage Tips

These marriage tips are from my musings and gathers form over thirty years of journeying through the Word of God. I do not know where they all come from other than God is working in me and my mistakes, I suppose because they are true and based on His Word. Most come from my readings in Scripture, then I write down a thought from devotions or teaching perpetrations or from my blunders or from the advice of others. Some from a memory when I need an idea, some from the years of research I did.

How to do this? Way too many? Just try one a day…..

 Remember, if you want a great Christian marriage get this: There is nothing more important to a man than to feel respected and appreciated. There is nothing more important to a woman than to feel loved and cherished!  Get this, and you get a good marriage!

Key marriage tip: The key is to be in prayer and find a way to develop your relationship to be respectful and loving.

Key marriage tip:  Remember real love is sacrificial.  Our call as Christians is to go further than what our expectations, pride, hurt or the world expects.

Key marriage tip:  A successful Christian marriage that lasts is between two imperfect people in Christ, who refuse to give up on each other just as Christ never gives up on us.

Key marriage tip: The number one reason Christian marriages survive and succeed is a mutual respect for one another and a surrender to the Lordship of Christ.

Key marriage tip: See your marriage as a legacy, especially with children. So your godliness and character is played forward and multiplies by family, friends and all that observes you. Be to God’s Glory in all you do!

Key marriage tip:  See and practice your marriage as an offering to our Lord. To be poured out to Him so it affects all of our relationships. The learning and exercising of your faith will be the prime way of building your relationship and cherishing and respecting your spouse, even in difficult situations.

Key marriage tip: The number one reason why marriages fail is because of the breakdown in communication.  To succeed in marriage and in life is to listen and be willing and open to the understanding of your spouse and others.

Key marriage tip: Your spouse is not an enemy, not an obstacle, not a setback, not a competitor, not a ‘them;’ rather a ‘we.’ When you are married you are in the ‘our’ business, not the ‘them’ or ‘me’ business. With a ‘we’ you become a success, with a ‘me’ and ‘them’ approach you will wither away.

Key marriage tip:  When a successful marriage lasts between two imperfect people, it is because they refuse to give up on the work of the Lord.

Key marriage tip:  We must allow Christ to be the leader of our heart and our marriage!

Key marriage tip:  Before you react to something, take some time out to pray and think it through first.

Key marriage tip:  Remember the health of our marriage will not only ‘affect’ (influence) you and your spouse, but also has ‘effect’ (result) on your children, family, extended family, church, friends, acquaintances and the reputation of our Lord.  What you do and say does matter, and it is watched!

Key marriage tip:  A wondrous marriage does not just happen.  You have to work it. You must push forward, and move away from pride and into the Fruit of the Spirit. Cultivate communication and listening to each other. You will have set backs, so always play it forward, play it hard and push in love.

Key marriage tip: You cannot trust your heart; you can only trust the Lord!

Key marriage tip: If you do not have a mentor, now is the time to find one–preferably an older couple who have walked in faith for a significant period of time.

Key marriage tip:  Remember, you can’t change your spouse.  You can only change yourself.  The work begins in you first–without your seeking control of another.  The work begins with you learning how to truly love and loving another.

Key marriage tip: The Christian life is meant as a journey to live with the goal of leaving behind a legacy of real love.  This life of our’s was never meant to be lived in the darkness of selfishness and pride.

Key marriage tip: Do not let your pride and hurt control you; rather, allow Christ’ love to motivate you!

Key marriage tip: When love prevails in the midst of marriage, especially in times of strife and disagreement, it presents to God and each other a willingness to heal.

Key marriage tip:Pursuing love in the midst of one’s toil is the irrefutable mark of a true follower of Jesus Christ!

Key marriage tip:  Love is a journey and a process. You learn each of the characteristics of love, as knowing them, eternalizing them, accepting them, to practice them and allow the time in others to the learning curve.  And remember, it is a continual adventure, not a destination.

Key marriage tip: Marriage is not a 50-50 split; rather it is a call to go the extra mile.  If you only count your cost, then you are not counting on the Lord!

Key marriage tip: Yes, you can love and be loved, and we can make it work with the key of knowing Christ and applying His real, effectual love and grace.

Key marriage tip:  Help each other realize they are irreplaceable. Encourage and inspire one another’s hopes and dreams and to live the adventure of life well.

Key marriage tip: Show concern and care. Ask about their day. Who did they talk to, what did they learn?  Speak without jealousy or condescending remarks or attitude. Listen!  Care enough to hear and uplift. Listen first before offering any ideas or solutions.  Put the care into your spouse as you would put into a nice car or a pair of shoes!

Key marriage tip: Marriages break up when you stop sharing, stop communicating, stop listening, and start assuming. Remember, communication is a ‘requirement,’ an ‘always’ and ‘have to’ it is not an ‘elective,’ you have to work on it.

Key marriage tip:  You must get a grasp on grace and how Christ loves us; if you do not, you will only live with problems, and you will regress in distress.

Key marriage tip: Real love is cherished.  This makes the marriage work, and you have to choose to do it and play it forward. This love in action must take us beyond ourselves and into the other person.  When we fully understand what love is and dedicate ourselves to practice it, then we will have a thriving and content marriage!

Key marriage tip: Recognize each other’s boundaries!  You know the buttons; do not push them!  Instead, honor and value them as God’s child to respect them enough to love them enough.

Key marriage tip:  Be grateful to the Lord, be patient, and remember real love is a choice–you have to work at it. Our maturity and growth in Christ will facilitate this, then you can be better committed to making it work, no matter what.

Key marriage tip:  Yes, we need to detox from our day, but, do not come home just tied and plop in front of the TV, rather greet your family and spend time with them first.  Need to wind down?  Then, spend 10 minutes in your car or place of work or school and pray before entering your home.

Key marriage tip:  Before you give up on your spouse, try harder, pray, and think it through.

Key marriage tip:  Before you criticize or blame, take some time out to pray and think it through first.

Key marriage tip:  Have something to say?  Before you talk, make sure you are listening.  No one, even your spouse, cares what you have to say if they are not cared for and heard first.

Key marriage tip:  Do not always be blaming, criticizing, complaining and nagging, as these rotten fruits will never work.  Show love by being kind.

Key marriage tip:  You do not have to be in control, only The Sovereign Lord is in control… Unless you created the universe, let it go and allow your control to be yielded over to the Lordship of Christ. Your life and marriage will vastly improve.

Key marriage tip:  You do not have a legitimate need to impress others.  A real impression is not what you have; rather how you are–Fruit of the Spirit.

Key marriage tip:  You do not have to be always right.  Let it go, and focus on being right in Christ!

Key marriage tip:  Laugh!  Do not be afraid to laugh.  In the best, happiest and long-lasting marriages, the couples laughed a lot.  So, do not take yourself too seriously; be able to laugh!

Key marriage tip: Be a person who extols–that is to affirm and encourage others–especially your family member.  Be a person who takes the cue to be unto Christ and follow His example–to love and care with excellence and fortitude.

Key marriage tip:  If you are willing to live out the art of loving, then, you will keep your marriage alive and even thrive!

Key marriage tip:  To create the best Christian marriage, this is essential:  Men are to set a tone of love and be the head servant of the family; women are to respond to that love with respect and set the tone for a vibrant home.

Key marriage tip: Allow individuality, do not be so pushy on your personal, non- important preferences, like hair styles, dress, music, movies,  and TV; just work on being appropriate and presentable and honoring each other’s time.  Negotiate the differences and remember respect.

Key marriage tip:  Real respect and love are essential; we are called to right submission!  Christ and the church are the prime models for us in a lifelong commitment of monogamous marriage.

Key marriage tip: The Christian home is a prime target for Satan and his minions.  Be aware and keep in mutual prayer so you are stronger than he.

Key marriage tip: Try new things, go to different restaurant, different vacation destinations, wear different clothes, serve in your church or community together to keep things fresh and exciting. Your goal, in trying new things you learn new things about each other.

Key marriage tip: Marriages thrive when we both have the willingness to work together to commune and solve problems.

Key marriage tip:Assumptions make the good sitcom plotlines; they do not make good marriages!

Key marriage tip:  Be in sync! You and your spouse must be on the same page on key theological and moral ideas.

Key marriage tip: Understand your differences!  Celebrate them!  Understand that you are two completely different people, different sex, different thinking, different upbringing, and different experiences.  Be willing to respect where the other comes from.  Be mature, be accepting and listen first, speak second.

Key marriage tip:  Arguing?  Have a disagreement?  Have a commitment as to how you will respond and remember the Fruit of the Spirit. Do not raise your voice, do not use foul language, especially around kids, it is extremely destructive, and do not escalate it. Do not bring back the past. Do not belittle!  Rather commit to a plan to hear each other, listen, work it out or wait when you are both in a place to listen. Have a commitment that it is safe to talk and share one another’s feelings. Respect and treat them as God has treated you!

Key marriage tip:To talk about it, and listen more, must be the cornerstone of your marriage relationship. You shall become one

Key marriage tip: When there is a problem or crises, deal with it by using facts, listening and love, as quickly as possible.  Do not hide it, do not prolong it. Prolonged conflict does nobody any good.  Deal with one problem at a time; do not escalate and throw other stuff in–nothing can be dealt with or resolved.

Key marriage tip: In good communication, do not assume.  You need to verbalize, build trust and rapport, have no secrets, be transparent, be open and honest, and show the Fruit of the Spirit.

Key marriage tip: You must understand what God has said and called us to in marriage; read and know God has called us to live in peace…. in order that we might bear fruit for God. Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Romans 7:1-4; 1 Corinthians 7:10-15.

Key marriage tip: Honor each other as who they are. Work on yourself to be a better you, the you God made you to be. Quality change is contagious!

Key marriage tip:  Try to see your spouse as God does, as His child and His provision to you.  When we see this, we see Christ and can better honor and cherish them.

Key marriage tip: Chores, responsibilities, house work, yard work and so forth can be daunting and a place of contention. Try to have appropriate responsibilities, so no one person is overburdened. And try to enjoy it, it is your home, make it home sweet home, comfortable and honoring.

Key marriage tip:  The essential working component to keep any relationship functioning is the ability to lower one’s pride in order to forgive. To keep a marriage not just functional, but vibrant, we must forgive, and we forgive as Christ has forgiven us–completely.

Key marriage tip: How you handle conflict will determine how your marriage and children will succeed or fail, whether you will have a dysfunctional or a loving home.

Key marriage tip:  Beware that escalation will only harm yourself and your spouse and family. Rather, if you start to engage in these dysfunctions, calm down, walk away, and look to solve rather than hurt.

Key marriage tip:  Control your pride! If you do this, you will be on the winning side of faith, life and harmony!

Key marriage tip:  There is a connection to how we treat our spouse that goes deeper than we realize between how we treat others and how God responds to us, especially in a family situation.

Key marriage tip: The solution to strife is to stay away from judgments, seeking fault in others, avoiding put-downs, and focusing on goodness.

Key marriage tip:  Do not threaten or intimidate or use foul language; your spouse is supposed to be your best friend.  There is no place for foul langue in the home; patience, wisdom, tact and kind wit overrule vulgarity!

Key marriage tip:  Do not become obsessed with winning; rather, be obsessed with real love and faith.We do not need to shock our loved ones; we need to point to the Love of Christ!

Key marriage tip:  Real effective forgiveness takes work and time!  It flows from a heart that is redeemed and satisfied by the Blood of the Lamb.

Key marriage tip:  To understand forgiveness, we need to look to Christ, who forgave us when we did not earn or deserve it.  We can have mercy upon our spouse and family so to cancel their debts as Christ did with us!

Key marriage tip:  Let it go! You must practice forgiveness in grateful response to the awesome Truth that is Christ and so that you may be able to enjoy God’s goodness.  Top of the list:  your spouse.

Key marriage tip:  Control your pride!  If you do this, then you will be on the winning side of faith, life, and harmony!

Key marriage tip:  Do not be critical or use foul or disparaging language; people need to be lifted up, not torn down, for healthy relationships.  If you do feel tempted to tear down, stop for 24 hours and see what happens.

Key marriage tip:  When you forgive your loved one, you cut the cancer out of your relationship.  If you do not forgive, your whole family will become malignant.

Key marriage tip: To properly forgive your loved one, give it over as if it never happened.  You will be surprised that once you do this, you will feel the load lifted off you and you can rest in the comfort of the Lord.

Key marriage tip:  Forgiveness does not change what was done in the past.  Forgiveness will heal and help further your relationship with your spouse!

Key marriage tip:  Give your spouse space.  If they or you are in a ‘mood,’ back off and do not engage.  Pray and wait for the right timing to have deep conversations.  Remember, love is patient!

Key marriage tip: Be willing to cancel the betrayal!

Key marriage tip: Sixty percent of couples in marriage counseling, identify money as the major problem. Please, learn to control your money so it does not control you!

Key marriage tip:  Make sure both of you know how money works. Have a good biblical concept on how to deal with budgeting and debt.  Most conflicts in a marriage deal with finances!  If you have an agreed-upon budget and you both are trustworthy in sticking to it, you have virtually eliminated a major source of conflict in many relationships.

Key marriage tip:  Do not give to get; rather give to just give as Christ gave to you.  Commit to the promise, “I will be more and do more,” and see what happens.

Key marriage tip: We must notbe afraid to find out what God’s plan is and yield to it.

Key marriage tip:  Our marriages are to be mirrored to the Kingdom of God, to God’s Glory and His purpose. Surrender to His Lordship, surrender your family and assets, your wants and needs to His love and care, and be the proper steward that loves, cares, has faith and is effectual!

Key marriage tip: Talk about your day with one another and listen.  Not every detail, like what pantyhose you buy or every detail at work, just commune and listen.  If they do not understand what you are explaining, then share why this is important; restate it in a different way.

Key marriage tip:  Selfishness will never make you happy, and you can’t expect others to fulfill only what Christ can.  Please do not expect your spouse to fulfill you; rather, seek how to be less self-centered and more centered on how to build your family up. Only then will you be more fulfilled and happy.

Key marriage tip:  God calls us to “cleave,” not leave. Be the glue that sticks one another together.

Key marriage tip: You must embrace good listening and communication.  Just be willing to listen without speaking and care enough to love enough to make this happen.  Good, lasting marriages are built on communication; divorce is the result of the breakdown of our hailing frequencies.

Key marriage tip: To create the effective triumphant marriage depends on our heart and will to put it into play. Just thinking about it or postponing it or waiting for the other to respond will not bring a good marriage.

Key marriage tip:  There will be change!  Anticipate change, prepare for change, realize life is always changing. This is good, what is wrong can be set right or just will be temporary.  Life becomes an adventure as you grow. There are the stages of life, careers, moving, kids, aging, health, family, life and death, there will always be change, your spouse will change, so will you, beware, embrace it, be willing to adjust and you will triumph through it with your focus on Christ.

Key marriage tip:  Talk about how you will handle disagreements and conflict, when you are not having a quarrel.

Key marriage tip:  Seek Christ, place Him first and foremost in your life, and He will provide.  Seek yourself, and you will be sad and lonely in so many ways!  Remember that the heart of any healthy relationship is love and respect!

Key marriage tip:  We are not to love money, but regard it only as a tool; we are to be content in Christ, for He will never leave or forsake us.

Key marriage tip: We are called to be careful of the love of money call to be, for while wealth and riches are not evil in and of themselves, they usually will become evil as they become our “god!”

Key marriage tip:  If you just focus on your hurts and losses, you will not be able to focus on Christ and making a better marriage.

Key marriage tip:“I am sorry,” are the pleasantest words you can ever say to simulate that connectives and restoration!

Key marriage tip: You do not need to live up to others expectations or what others want you to be. Focus on God’s precepts and the Fruit He wants you to have.

Key marriage tip: How does our Lord call us to deal with the sin in others? With truthfulness and love!

Key marriage tip: For us to grow, we must surrender our will, desires, plans upon our Lord Jesus Christ. The municipal center of the Christian life is Jesus Christ (Colossians3:4).

Key marriage tip: Do not be jealous or always suspecting your spouse is up to no good.

Key marriage tip: Do not be controlling, give them room to grow and surprise you. If you have clear evidence of wrongdoing, remember Matthew 18, care enough to confront and bring a pastor or counselor if they refuse. Remember, love is at first trusting.

Key marriage tip: Be affectionate. Sex is good, but affection is what soothes, woos and embarrasses and grows the relationship. From sitting close, to hugs, to being more physical. If there are problems in this area, then get help. Ask your doctor about medications too if needed. Just do not just do sex, if so, you are not really being affectionate, rather being cold instead.

Key marriage tip: Your husband or wife should be your best friend and ally. It is ok to have other good friends, but your spouse should be number one. Share in your journey of life; build your friendship with them first and foremost. The key to this is, be a real friend first. 

Key marriage tip: You will have disagreements and fights. That is OK! If you never have a disagreement something is very wrong. The key is to listen and have a plan.

 

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